What exactly are you looking for? I thin...

What exactly are you looking for? I think I would do a better job of auditioning if I knew exactly what it was you were after, you know? Cause I can do anything. I mean, not anything. But pretty close. Like if you wanted flirty and funny, I can do that. Or if you wanted me to be like all mean and everything, I can do that too. Or if it’s like a really sad role I cry just about every day. Not for any real reason, just for practice. I practice crying. In case it comes in handy sometime. You never know when you might need to cry. I’ll stand in front of my mirror at home and then I’ll try to imagine my Mom dying. That usually doesn’t work. But then I think about all those starving kids in Africa, and that doesn’t make me cry either, and then I think about puppies and they make me cry. Not like hurting the puppies or anything. Just puppies. I hate puppies. They’re always looking at you like look at me I’m so cute, well you’re not cute, you’re just a baby dog, that doesn’t automatically make you cute. And personally, I think puppies are sell-outs. I mean, try and turn on the TV and not see a puppy selling something. So I think about puppies. And then I cry. I can also burp on command.

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